Anna's Analogy

This is a post regarding Anna from Metro: Last Light, I know I'm being completely pathetic about this, but my mind just can't leave this alone!  It keeps returning to it in the most bizarre of situations like waiting for a train or testing out an old hand-me-down laptop for minecraft performance (I'm blogging this on a Toshiba Satellite A215-S4697 with a dead keyboard and dead DVD drive).

Let's recap, when she takes you to murder the Dark One, her first words are "come on, rabbit", wait, what?  Did she mean what I think she means?

Surprisingly not on the first page of google image search even with safesearch off...

Custom PC's review of Metro: Last Light noted that Anna had a "wicked sense of humour" - No objections there!

You can count on your "rabbit" anytime...

Anyway, it's time to put this fuming bollocks to rest, shall we?  I've thought this over and here is my (hopefully FINAL) sequence of events:

1. Anna has heard of your reputation - she becomes jealous
2. She berates you as an expression of said jealousy
3. You get separated, she believes you dieded
4. She finds you again, she is relieved
5. She gets captured (yawny bit starts here)
6. You rescue her, after she gibs your gas mask by running straight into it (RETARD!)
7. You boink - I like to think it happens to the tune of Benny Benassi's "Satisfaction"
8. You leave her, she eventually sees you off to war, looking a bit forlorn
9. She has a kid, and tells him what a lovely protector-slave you are (the greek word serow meant that, and that's where the word hero came from)

So basically, its your good old fashioned hero tale.  Maybe not the most exciting of plots or the most empowering to women (Anna seems to lose strength throughout the game, going from tomboyish sharpshooter to shallow pussy reward for our hero), but I can now at least put it to rest on a humorous note - no more filler like this nonsense, okay?  Good luck, brain...

When the Heroes joined the Company

Let me tell you how I first came into contact with Company of Heroes; upon seeing adverts in Custom PC, I thought that the 3 soft-pencilled men standing in formation was to be another WW2 shooter, something I had already played enough of given MOHAA and Bf1942 ate so much of time that could have been spent buying clothing that's marked up like it's 1943 and the "correct" brand is selling sky-high priced food into my local ghetto...  blimey, that's dark...

Anyway, that was until my brother obtained a new graphics card which contained a copy of COH, he wanted nothing with it for one reason or another and I fired up what I expected to be an FPS - I am way past Chamberlain for how wrong I was.  As I said before, this was a total game-changer; I stopped thinking like an ant colony when playing RTS... et cetera.  Point is, I've just played through the campaign again, and now I can properly compare COH to COH2.

I won this one with many snipers and Arty...  there were some tanks and rangers in the picture somewhere, too...

I'm too tired for paragraphs, have some bullet points:

Goodness

• Gameplay is stellar, as it should be if it were to deserve a sequel
• Story doesn't try to be anything more than a Company going through the war - if you are going to make a game story, either make a Novel or keep it simple
• More tigers

Gimpiness

• Gigantic Difficulty Spike on Mortain Counterattack level, similar to COH2's Partisan level; best to use Airborne Company and paradrop AT guns and troops and just let those buggers wreck your base!
• Graphics are noticeably lower quality (why am I even mentioning this?  Graphics never go DOWN in a sequel)
• More tigers

Overall, how should I expect the previous installment to be better; let alone the first campaign in such installment?  I shouldn't, otherwise why bother, right?  Anyway, have some death:

Ever gotten so immersed in a game you forgot to take screenshots?